Anticipating the inevitable

Miss Twice, boss of the house, guardian of the world, camera poseur extraordinaire and blanket lover.  The body might be small but the heart is monstrous, taking on Irish Wolfhounds and raccoons with equal ferocity.  Unfortunately, the heart has been slowly self-destructing, no longer thumping in anticipation but softly swooshing with less and less effect.  She's coughing now, so the heart isn't able to keep the lungs working properly and the other day she fainted on our walk.  THAT was scary.  I thought she had died, but she came to in my arms and went home and bossed Dewey around for the rest of the day. 
Boy, it's hard knowing one of your best friends is dying.  And the thoughts that run through your head!  Stupid things that should be embarrassing, but are probably very normal.  Like the four-day trip I'm taking the end of the month.  Go or not?  I pretty well have to go, because it's to see my new grandson and my parents and my parents won't be around forever either.  Like hoping that she dies before the ground freezes, because I want to bury her and don't know what I'd do with her body in the winter.  
Having a pet die suddenly is a shock and horribly sad, like any death of part of your family.  Watching a dog like Blackwatch Twice, proud and independent, carrying on like there's nothing wrong and still ruling the roost, when she's awake, is a lesson in dying.  Don't baby her, let her keep her dignity, but make sure you don't forget when it's treat time.  Sigh.....